February 12, 1999 19 Pages

I am very excited about this issue of The Paper! On February 13, 1998, I met Kevin Dacey in the rehearsal room. We started a newspaper called What’s Up. After a few name and format changes, and a year of friendly arguments, you’re holding the fruit of our work in your hands. Congratulations to all authors, helpers, and headmaster Mr. Dunn for granting permission for this paper to exist. I am proud to announce two things – in this issue, there are two articles by 7^th graders, which means we have begun the process of integrating the 7^th grade with The Paper. Mike Carr has agreed to take over as editor-in-chief of The Paper when the 8^th grade leaves. Another piece of information is that this is the longest Paper in history! Just one last tidbit of info – as most of you know, The Paper is now accessible via Internet – http://meltingpot.fortunecity.com/kansas/540/index.html. I am happy to be creator and maintainer of this site. However, I seem to be running over my allotted space for the introductory section, so let’s get started!!

Marco Sanseverino

Since the beginning of the school year, the latest fad has been paper airplanes and origami. This has caused quite a dilemma at rehearsal time. Planes flying everywhere, little paper balls, it’s a battlefield of flying paper. Many students get a great feeling out of this paper business while others are getting hit in the head with giant paper balls. Since Mr. Dunn sometimes lets it go, kids have been making planes non-stop. The only students that object to such behavior are some that are in the 8^th grade rebellion against planes. What they do is pick up all paper airplanes and throw them away. It’s so horrid to see all our little paper creations get dumped. Sometimes younger students try to stop the 8^th grade massacre on planes, but they are usually hopeless. What the eighth grade has caused is a bigger war. They usually just rip the planes to shreds and throw it on the floor, thus making a giant paper mess. The true question is, will they ban planes from school? The answer to that lies far ahead. You can’t predict what Mr. Dunn is going to do next. My theory is if we keep leaving planes and shreds of paper on the ground, Mr. Dunn will look at the mess and then ban paper airplanes. One other thing I’m tired of is picking up planes that don’t fly at all. If you’re going to make a plane make it so it can at least fly and not hopelessly fall to the ground, like some of the planes that are lying around. My last comment is how some of the 8^th graders stopped ripping up planes. On behalf of the people who throw planes, I give them a round of applause for having more consideration for our paper creations. To all the people who rip up planes, you’ll never stop us. Paper lives on. Even if you tear it all to shreds there is always more paper. So never think you can stop us, because PLANES LIVE FOREVER!! Amen, peace out.

Robert Hayes

Sure, I know for most students it is hard to believe, but most teachers are living somewhat of a "double life" – or at least it may appear that way to us students. There is the school side of a teacher, which we are very familiar with, and then there is the "out of school" side of a teacher, which we aren’t so familiar with. In the following article, I attempted to enter the "unknown side" of teachers here at BACS. I asked them simple to answer questions on general information that most students would be interested in. During these interviews, I learned that there is more to just a teacher than his or her homework assignments and grading systems. I have found several interesting things that most students don’t know about their teachers, so without any further ado, here they are!

Mrs. Vermeer – An interesting fact that I discovered is Mrs. Vermeer and Mr. Policelli actually went to college together at Boston University, both in the music department. Speaking of music, her favorite instrument is neither the piano nor the flute, but actually the French horn. She enjoys listening to every kind of music, with exception to heavy metal. She was born on April 17^th (which is actually the same birthday as Andy Yaksic) in Washington, D.C. She loves to read science fiction books in her spare time. Her favorite cartoon character is none other than Donald Duck and when she was little, she wanted to be a forest ranger! She doesn’t watch much television or go to the movies often, but when she does watch TV, her favorite sport to watch is hockey. Her favorite holiday is Good Friday, her favorite color is blue, and her favorite number is lucky 7. Her favorite beverage is orange juice and her favorite fast food restaurant is D’Angelo’s. Her sons’ names are Chuck and Kenny.

Mr. Schmidt – First off, Mr. Schmidt isn’t as weird as some students make him out to be. He was born on November 31^st in Cincinnati, Ohio. He enjoys classical music, especially if the composer is Mozart. His favorite television shows are "Voyager", "Woof! It’s a Dog’s Life," and "News Hour with Jim Lehrer." His favorite movie of all time is either "Inherit the Wind" or "Airplane." His idol is Charles Darwin and his favorite holiday would obviously be Darwin’s birthday. He went to several colleges including the University of Miami (Ohio), U Mass (Amherst), and the University of Alaska (Fairbanks). His favorite sport to watch on television is auto racing. His favorite cartoon character is Homer Simpson and his favorite beverage is skim milk. His favorite book of all time is " 7 Pillars of Wisdom." His favorite actor is Jimmy Stewart and his favorite actress is Audrey Hepard. As for hobbies and collections, he states he collects Volkswagens. His favorite candy bar is "Symphony." His life-long dream is being able to see, do, and learn everything! His wife’s name is Mary and his sons’ names are Peter and Damien.

Sister Kathy – Sister Kathy was born on November 13^th, which happened to be a Friday. She was born in Fall River, Massachusetts. When not grading papers, Sister enjoys reading mystery books and doing needlework. You may also catch her reading her favorite comic strip, "Family Circus" or listening to classical music. Her favorite television show is "Diagnosis Murder" on CBS and her favorite movies are "Down in the Delta" and "Waking Ned Divine." You may also catch her munching on her favorite beverage and candy bar, Sprite and Mr. Goodbar. Her favorite color is blue and her favorite number is 13 (her birthday). Her life-long dream is just being able to travel the world without worrying about the cost. Her favorite holiday is Christmas and her favorite fast food restaurant is "Au Bon Pain."

Mr. Policelli – Mr. Policelli, for those who come from the fine city of Medford, actually grew up in Medford and attended Malden Catholic. He was born on October 29^th in Cambridge. His favorite drink is coffee and his favorite dessert is chocolate ice cream. His favorite color is blue and his favorite number is 5. He likes the action-packed/thriller kind of movies and he enjoys watching CNN for the news. His favorite candy bar is "Milky Way" and his favorite type of music is classical. He has a collection of 60’s and 70’s music recordings. His favorite cartoon characters are Sylvester and Tweety and his favorite comics are Foxtrot and Dilbert. The first things he would do if he $1,000,000 is invest most of it into the stock market. He enjoys the sport of swimming. Last, but not least, his middle name is Richard.

Next Edition of "Things Most Student’s Don’t Know About Their Teachers" will hopefully include Ms. Miller, Ms. Yeoman, Mr. Dudas, Fitz, Mrs. Christina, and Mr. Dunn! Thanks for reading!

Andrew Yaksic

In this edition of the volleyball report, I’d like to congratulate the seventh grade and highlight a few of the eighth grade’s key players. First I’ll congratulate the seventh grade by making the score of the January 6^th game 21-20, our victory. The day after, they lost 21-17. They really did great. Now I’d like to do one thing I do every issue—pick the MVP of the month, which in this edition, is Paul Riley. He’s done great in the last month, so I congratulate him. Now, something that I will be doing for the very first, very last time. I will pick the MVP of 1998—Sean McCluskey. His serving abilities are, well, above average, and he rarely blows a play on defense. I’d be dead wrong not to give best effort to Robert Hayes, who always goes the extra mile to try and win the game. Best offense goes to three people—Reese Williams, Kevin Dacey, and Paul Riley, who have shown outstanding performances all year in that category. Best defense would go to Sean McCluskey and Richie Moran, who never hesitates to either set it up or spike it. Best improvement over last year, I’d say, was me, Andrew Yaksic. And of course, the best team ever at BACS would definitely be the 8^th grade team, because with the only record that will never be broken, two 21-0 shutouts, there’s just no comparison. However, as I’ve already mentioned, the 7^th grade set their own unbreakable record, 20 points in one game! That’s one that will never be broken… I hope.

Andrew Yaksic

It’s happened again – twice! Two consecutive shutouts against the seventh grade on February 9, 1999, brings our shutout total to four, and as of February 11, 1999, our consecutive wins streak stands at 124 games in a row. We are all looking forward to our 200^th consecutive win, but how will we celebrate it? We should really put some more thought into that. As I do every issue (and due to the delay, I’ll do it twice this issue), I’ll pick the month’s MVPs. Richie Moran deserves some special recognition, so he’ll get MVP. Robert Hayes saved us a few times in our shutout games, so he deserves a piece of it, and Ryan Tobin scored 9 points in a row, boosting our confidence, and making us cheer "It’s all over!" And before we know it, it will be all over. It is quite possible that we will lose sometime in the future – we have been giving up too many points, making final scores 21-16 and 21-17. We are letting leads slip away from us, because we beat each other up after every mistake. Playing our positions could also help us help them score less points! Until next time, Richie Moran is our MVP.

Can anybody beat the Broncos? Even with all of Eugene Robinson’s bragging, even with John Elway being the oldest quarterback in the NFL (besides possibly Dan Marino), even with all the skepticism about repeating as World Champions, this question is not hard to answer. The Denver Broncos, it is safe to say, have established a mini-dynasty by winning two Super Bowls in a row, a feat accomplished by only seven other teams in the history of the Super Bowl. It is quite an accomplishment, when you consider all the other talented teams in the NFL, including the Jets, 49ers, NFC champion Atlanta Falcons, and our own New England (soon to be Hartford) Patriots. There was simply one reason that Atlanta lost – they were killed by turnovers and blown chances. For instance, in the second quarter, the Falcons were down by a touchdown, and Morten Anderson, widely regarded as one of the game’s best kickers, was lined up to try for a field goal. But the kick went wide, and that really took away the confidence and the "wind beneath their wings," because Denver followed immediately afterwards with the spectacular 80-yard touchdown pass to Rod Smith. So, can anybody beat the Broncos? I think not.

Paul Riley

We are now at about the halfway point in the season in the National Hockey League. The usual three big guns in the West, Detroit, Dallas, and Colorado, are leading their divisions. In the East, surprisingly, the Ottawa Senators are leading their division, which includes the Buffalo Sabres, the Toronto Maple Leafs, and the Boston Bruins, not to mention the Montreal Canadiens. In the Atlantic Division, the Philadelphia Flyers are cruising. They are the second-best team in the league, second o the Dallas Stars. It should be a great race for the President’s Trophy, which goes to the team with the best record at the end of the season. Can the Detroit Red Wings win three straight championships, or can someone stop the high-flying Wings?

The Boston Bruins. The B’s started off the season strong, but as of late, they have the city of Boston (besides Rob Hayes) disgusted. Since the start of the second half of the season, they have only picked up one point. I’m sick of it. If the playoffs were to start right now, the Bruins would not make it. Some of the strong points of the season so far have been right winger Sergei Samsonov, who is in his second year, and the star of the offense on the squad. Joe Thornton, the number one draft pick last year, has started to pick it up as of late, and is putting the puck in the net. Byron Dafoe, the goaltender, started the season off as one of the best goalies in the league, but lately he has been struggling. Pat burns has to get his team going, or they won’t see the light of the playoffs come April. And that’s the bottom line.

The day the Bruins win the championship playing like this is the day monkeys fly out of my…

Steve Newark

The big question is this year, how will the New England teams be represented this year in Anaheim? Well, so far the only two answers are U.N.H. and Maine. With three out of four Boston teams virtually out of playoff contention, and B.C. performing poorly, U.N.H., and Maine will most likely be the only New England teams left when April arrives. Taking a closer look at the U.N.H. roster, it is no wonder they are on top of the Hockey East. Over half of the team has played in either Junior A or B in Canada or America, but, if you have all ready turned against them, take into consideration that they also have a mix of players from Braintree, Woburn (my uncle coached them), Saugus, and Malden. Maine's roster is not much more impressive but they also have local players from Pembroke, Brookline, Somerville, Weymouth, Saugus, Medford, and Dorchester. The next question is will either of these teams get byes. It is likely that New Hampshire will get a bye from the first round of the playoffs, but this will probably not happen with Maine. Both teams will have to struggle to get through the playoffs, and unfortunately, I have to say that if either team gets to the final four they will probably not make it to the championship because they have played a weaker schedule than many western teams have. In conclusion I'll predict the North Dakota Fighting Sioux to take the NCAA Division One Hockey Championship again this year. P.S. In 2000, the hockey championship will be held in Providence, R.I.

Robert Hayes

Like any other newspaper, the writers and editors of "The Paper" would like to know what the reader thinks. So each new edition’s sports section will contain a poll on various topics. This week’s topic was on none other than this year’s Super Bowl, which originated from sunny Miami, Florida at ProPlayer Stadium on January 31^st. We asked most students and some of the faculty staff the question "Who will win the Super Bowl?" Without any further ado, here are our shocking results.

Minnesota Vikings – 14 votes (13 students & 2 teachers)

San Franciso 49ers – 13 votes (all students)

Denver Broncos – 10 votes (all students)

Miami Dolphins – 5 votes (all students)

Arizona Cardinals – 4 votes (all students)

Atlanta Falcons – 2 votes (all students)

New York Jets – 1 vote (student)

Jacksonville Jaguars – 0 votes (none)

New England Patriots (after they were eliminated) – 1 vote (student)

Darwins? – 1 votes (1 teacher)

Robert Hayes

In the National Football League, you won’t find player lockouts, you won’t find illegal gambling, and you won’t find controversial herbal supplements, but what you will find is heated rivalries, last second come backs, record setting plays, and some of the best players and coaches the world can offer. The NFL has had a very successful season, but why? I personally believe that the AFC East division has played a huge role in some of the largest stadium attendance numbers in history and all the cash brought in by endorsements to the NFL. It may not be "the coolest game on earth" or some might hesitate to say, "I love this game", but the game is certainly entertaining to most New Englanders. Let’s travel back in time and figure out why the AFC East is the most exciting and interesting conference throughout the NFL.

Bill Parcells, the former head coach of the Patriots and current coach of the New York Jets, once said that there are 4 main ingredients to having a team that will put points on the board. First you need a pinch of defense. Then a tablespoon of offensive line. Throw in a few running backs for seasoning and top it all off with a quarterback. Now 4 out of the 5 AFC East teams have that exact recipe, which always makes the rankings in the division so exciting. One week it’s the Jets leading the pack and the next it’s the Dolphins. Football is like New England weather, it’s unpredictable.

This season was one that resembles something like a roller coaster ride with a few unsuspected twists. One of those twists, Doug Flutie. When I made my predictions two issues ago about who would win the AFC East championship, I really never heard of Doug Flutie. All I knew was he was a former quarterback for the Boston College Eagles. Another twist, talks of Patriots moving to Hartford caught some people off guard and in the process, the Pats might have lost some supporters. Another twist, injuries. If it weren’t for an injury, we would have never seen Doug Flutie. If it wasn’t for a few injuries sustained to Terry Glenn, Ben Coates, and Drew Bledsoe, the Patriots might have been in Super Bowl contention to this very day.

Although it may not seem like it to some people, the AFC East stands for football tradition. Athletes like Dan Marino and Vinny Testaverde. Athletes like Bruce Smith and Thurman Thomas. Athletes like Glenn Foley and Doug Flutie. With former NFC coaches who made the transition over to the AFC like Bill Parcells and Jimmy Johnson. People don’t necessarily watch the NFL for the tradition, some watch it for the up and coming stars like Peyton Manning, who is a quarterback for the Colts, or Robert Edwards, who is a running back for the Patriots.

The last AFC East team to win the Super Bowl was back in 1974 when the undefeated Miami Dolphins defeated the Washington Redskins. But, like always, there is some good news and some bad news. First the good news, this has been the first time in NFL history where 4 AFC East teams all made it in to the playoffs. Now for the bad news. 3 out of the 4, the Dolphins, Bills, and Patriots have all been eliminated. Despite that, I think they all deserve a round of applause for contributing to make the 1998-1999 season the best ever. So what if Dan Marino still doesn’t not have that Super Bowl ring. So what if the Patriots couldn’t get to the Super Bowl twice in three years. So what if the magical Doug Flutie couldn’t pull a Super Bowl ring out of his hat. There is always next year!

With all the 10-10-220 ads, Flutie Flakes ads, Snickers ads, Ford truck ads, Head & Shoulders ads, and 1^st plus mortgage ads aside, this is and will continue to be the most exciting conference in the NFL. Why? Cauz’ the sports section says so!

Robert Hayes

First it was paper football. Then it was "Magic Cards". Then it was potato guns. Afterwards, came paper airplanes. And now, professional wrestling has hit the halls here at BACS. Wrestling isn’t what it used to be. There are no more "Hulk Hogan" foam fingers or kids dressed up with the Ultimate Warrior’s face paint. Now-a-days, there are Austin 3:16 signs and N.W.O. T-shirts. It is not just your same old good guy vs. bad guy scenario! The unpredictability of what is going to happen next and the fact that it isn’t just good against evil makes professional wrestling resemble something like a soap opera. The professional wrestling popularity has grown tremendously. Over 20 million people, tune in each week to watch professional wrestling. Things are only looking up for the wrestling industry. A matter of fact, wrestling’s time to shine usually comes during the spring and summer when baseball, football, and hockey are finished and baseball has not yet begun. But the question still remains which organization is better, the WWF or WCW?

It is Monday night! After a long, exhausting 8 ½ hour day of school, all BACS students whether riding on the "T" or driving home in your parents’ car think about what they are going to do tonight. I bet a majority of you decide that after you finish all of your homework and eat supper, it is time for good old Monday Night wrestling. So you grab the closest bag of junk food and sit in front of the television waiting in anticipation. But a problem has arisen, which wrestling program do you watch? Well, you have two choices: World Championship Wrestling Monday Nitro or the World Wrestling Federation’s Monday Night Raw/Warzone. So which is it gonna be? Well, here at "The Paper", we have decided to help you out in this struggle.

First off, which federation has the better athletes? World Championship Wrestling has household names like "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan and "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Not to mention other recognizable stars like Bret "the Hitman" Hart, "the Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Rowdy Rody Piper, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, "Sting", Goldberg, "The Ultimate Warrior", "The Giant", and Diamond Dallas Page. On the other hand, the World Wrestling Federation has superstars like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, The Rock, Kane, Ken Shamrock, Triple H, Vader, and Mankind. I would have to give the edge to WCW for this category.

Which federation has the better matches? Well, WCW wrestling has a pay-per-view called "World War 3"at which they have a 60 man, over the top rope, battle royal! They also have cage matches, ladder matches, and several other kinds of matches. The WWF, where to begin? Some of you may have saw during halftime of the Superbowl, a match in which two competitors fought each other inside an empty arena where falls counted anywhere! The WWF is the innovative leader in match making! They have had "dumpster" matches, "hell in a cell" matches, "I Quit" matches, strap matches, ladder matches, coffin matches, "inferno" matches, "buried alive" matches, "iron-man matches", and many, many other kinds of matches. This category has to go to the WWF.

The program itself tells a lot about the promotion. The World Wrestling Federation has a tendency to tape it’s Monday Night shows instead of airing them live, while World Championship Wrestling always airs Nitro live. Nitro goes to the better arenas. For example, WCW has been at the Fleet Center twice for Nitro. The WWF has never been to the Fleet Center for Raw, but rather to the Worster Centrum. World Championship Wrestling wins this category because of two words: Ted Turner. Ted Turner owns WCW along with the Atlanta Braves and he spends thousands of dollars on each show just for the special affects along. (the fireworks, the lighting affect, the entrance music) WCW Nitro is also an hour longer than Raw and on most nights have double the amount of matches.

So, when it is 9:00 PM and you have to decide which program to watch, I would go with Monday Night Football or the Cosby Show. But for all you wrestling fans out there, for professional wrestling action, I would tune into TNT’s WCW Monday Nitro. But if you are looking for "the best dang soap opera on television today" I would tune into USA’s WWF Raw!

All the answers will be tallied up and will appear in the next issue’s sports poll. Write your answer, your explanation, and your name on a piece of paper and hand to me (Rob Hayes) or a fellow sports writer.

***** FOR THE RESULTS OF THE MOVIE CONTEST, READ ON! *****

The winner of the movie phrase contest was Mick Costello of grade 6. He has yet to redeem his prize. Here are the answers to the contest.

1. "You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!" Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men

2. "Let me spell it out for you. I want you to blow up Madison Square Garden!" Kevin Dunn, Godzilla

3. "Redrum." Jack Nicholson, The Shining

4. "Ooooh, aaahh. That’s how it always starts. Then there’s running and screaming." Jeff Goldblum, The Lost World: Jurassic Park

5. "We have to fight fire with marshmallows. Prepare the toys!" Robin Williams, Toys

Congratulations to Mick Costello. Here are the runners-up:

4 Right – Casey Marx, Ryan Tobin, Reese Williams, Alex Baker, Ian Johnson.

3 Right – Andy Yaksic

Thanks to all for entering.

The Faculty: **: Starring Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Famke Janssen, and Usher Raymond. Rated R.

In a modern day version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Faculty combines humor and thrills to get mixed results. The story is set in a regular Ohio high school, with not so regular students. Casey (Wood) finds an unknown organism on the football field and takes it to his science teacher. That’s not the worst part – while hiding in the closet in the faculty lounge, he discovers that the teachers are not all what they seem! Casey and five other students are the only ones who know about the teachers’ secrets and it’s up to them to stop the invasion before they become aliens. There is one small technicality – who’s an alien and who isn’t? The Faculty delivers suspense, thrills, chills, and laughs, while making you realize that there may be life on other planets…

A movie right at home – It seems another hit motion picture is set and filmed right in our own backyard. First, it was Good Will Hunting that was set and filmed in Boston. Now comes A Civil Action, starring two powerhouses – John Travolta and Robert Duvall. This movie is about the landmark case of Jan Shlictman against two giant corporations charged with polluing the waters in Woburn, causing leukemia. Maybe this movie will attract movies makers to come to Boston to film!

Drew Vanderburg

4 out of 5 stars

After leaving the theater on Saturday, December 12, (the day after this movie came out) I resolved to frame the ticket stub and hang it on the wall right next to my framed postcard of Seven of Nine. Okay, it was a Star Trek movie, so I HAD to like it. Insurrection, the 9th motion picture spawned from the Star Trek phenomenon, was the third movie featuring the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation, the second of four TV series. The plot of this awesome motion picture was simple, but played out quite elaborately. The Federation had recently been exploring an area of space called the Briar Patch. They discovered many new aliens, as well as a planet whose rings let radiation into the atmosphere. This radiation regenerated the people on the planet, the Baku, and kept them young forever. Data, (Brent Spiner), was working with a group of scientists on that planet, trying to study the Baku for a reason we didn't know then. The scientists were humans, as well as a new species, the Sonar. The Enterprise with Mr. Worf, (Michael Dorn), visiting from DS9, was assigned to host a ceremony of the acceptance of another new alien race into the United Federation of Planets, (the Federation). They were all called to the Briar Patch to retrieve Data because for no apparent reason he went haywire and sabotaged the scientists’ experiment, revealing them all to the Baku. Since the Baku were not spacefaring, contact with them was a breach of the Prime Directive. Then the Enterprise crew was ordered to leave at once, but Captain Picard, (Patrick Stewart), wouldn't go until he found out what went wrong with Data. Upon closer inspection to the planet, they discovered it's secret of perpetual youth, as well as a cloaked ship that was one big holodeck. The Sonar had built it designed to convey all the 600+ Baku off of the planet and too well, I could go on and on! I will stop my summary less than halfway through the movie, just to give you a whiff of that astounding movie-going experience. So, how about why it was good. As well as full of action and special effects, Insurrection was a rather funny movie. I think it was funny due to the fact that it was directed by the whimsical Jonathan Frakes, who plays Commander Riker. Being his first try at directing, he took a lot of things in a very lighthearted manner, adding quite a lot of humor to the movie. We also got a new look at some of the crew members as they reverted back through puberty while on the surface of the planet that made everyone younger! Worf became hungry for the blood of some kind of Klingon beast. However, the thing wrong with this impromptu humor all over the place was that it replaced a few fundamentals of every Star Trek movie and episode. Rather than making the movie longer, the amount of science and reference to aspects of the other series was decreased a lot. The continuity team got a big break on this film because the only references to any other events in Star Trek that I can remember were the current war with the Cardassians and Star Trek: First Contact. Another thing that seemed to be missing was the feeling that you got in First Contact when you saw the new Enterprise-E and her crew again for the first time in two years. It was a feeling of real familiarity with the characters and also excitement for what the rest of the movie would hold. New technologies were also introduced throughout that movie, but the only new thing presented here was the Captain's Yacht and a definition of what transport inhibitors really were. To wrap up, I'll say that Star Trek: Insurrection was a good movie. Funny, action packed, intriguing-just what makes Star Trek Star Trek. I'm sure it will make a wonderful addition to the ongoing legacy of the great show, and a terrific addition to my personal film library! If you’d like to know more, visit my website (and please vote) or the Star Trek website: www.startrek.com and http://people.ne.mediaone.net/vanderburgs/index.html.

Chris Averill

I recently got around to many of the eighth graders at BACS and to a large list of my new classmates at St. Sebastian’s. I’m actually lucky I still have the battered paper with the survey written on it because while it was being passed around Freshman Writing class, I saw the earnest look of my teacher staring at it, but it quickly passed, and here it is:

The original question was:

"Which of these movies from recent times did you like the best?"

The choices were:

1. The Waterboy

2. Patch Adams

3. The Prince of Egypt

4. Varsity Blues

Of the people polled, 9 out of 30 picked The Waterboy as their favorite.

Of the people polled, 8 out of 30 picked Varsity Blues as their favorite.

Of the people polled, 7 out of 30 picked Patch Adams as their favorite.

Of the people polled, 6 out of 30 picked The Prince of Egypt as their favorite.

But really, don’t go by this poll. Close to 1/3 of the people who chose The Waterboy chose it under pressure from a dear friend of mine who, as Mr. Schmidt would say, shall remain anonymous. But don’t you agree, it was a real funny movie??

Reese Williams

VIDEO GAMES by Reese Williams

This issue in VIDEO GAMES, we have prepared some reviews that we’re pretty sure you will like. Plus, The CODE OF THE WEEK is a big help to you Zelda64 players who are having trouble finding container heart pieces.

REVIEWS:

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

Many gamers surely remember the game called Mission: Impossible from the times

of the Nintendo 64's launch. The hype then started when Ocean (the company

that was first set to develop the title), sent out SGI renders to the press.

The game looked like it had lots of potential and a lot to be desired

graphically. Anyway, without telling the whole story, later Infogames was in

charge of the game, and it was finally released after three years of

development.

After three years of development you'd think that there would be a lot to be

admired in the games gameplay, but basically the gameplay is fun once you have

begun but will 'self-destruct' after a while. The game offers two modes of

gameplay, Possible and Impossible. Each of them are like the different

difficulty levels found in the game Goldeneye 007, that make you complete many

objectives.

You take control of IMF agent, Ethan Hunt. There are 5 missions that make up a

total of 20 levels in Mission: Impossible. This is not that bad, but when

you go down to the structure of some of the levels, they can be very exciting

or very easy. One thing that does make this game exciting is how you have to

go through every level as a spy. You have to sneak around places, assume

identities of your enemy, and escape smoothly. Also, you should know that you

can't shoot everything in your site because that would seriously blow your

cover, and also, you do have limited ammo.

One thing you should know is that this is a one player game. We don't know why

but Infogames sort of shied away from the multi-player section even after

seeing how great it added to the replay value of Goldeneye 007. The only

reason that comes to mind was just that they wanted to get the darn thing out

in stores. This of course really hurt the replay value because once you beat

the game there is absolutely nothing to do but replay the levels all over

again.

Now onto the game's graphics which seem to impress not only me but many

other people as well. One thing that you will notice though is that the graphics

look better indoors than out. This is because when your out doors there is a

tremendous amount of fog which you will find very unattractive. The game has

lots of detail though, as you will see in the mission briefings (they are like

mini-movies) before each new mission. This is no Goldeneye of course, but the

graphics are something to be remembered.

The sound in the game is OK, but it could be better. The intro music sounds

crisp and clear, but you can't help but notice how much it sounds like one

of those Mission: Impossible MIDI files. Anyway, in the little 'mini-movie'

mission briefings there is a large amount of speech, that is surprisingly clear.

None the less, the sound in Mission: Impossible is a fine achievement for

Nintendo.

Overall, this game never failed to impress me in the spy simulation area. Yes

the game offers solid spy action, but that is only for the first time you play it,

then surely enough it will self-destruct. If you are in for only the eye candy, get

this game, but I truly recommend Goldeneye 007 over this game, and with the

recent price drop, you should get this anyway. If you love spy action and have

lots of money, buy Mission: Impossible. If you don't, I suggest renting it

because you can beat it in a weekend. I rate this game an 8.0.

1080 SNOWBOARDING:

Nintendo has added a much-anticipated title to its growing Nintendo 64 library

-- 1080 Snowboarding -- and the game has been given much praise and acclaim

for its supposedly superb performance and gameplay on the N64. Many print

magazines have given the game high marks and praise, but the game certainly

will not be met with the same fervor it was greeted by print magazines and

online videogaming publications -- not with this reviewer.

1080 Snowboarding, in a nutshell, is the game that those who have hailed it as

a great racing and snowboarding game -- but its appeal will not last very

long. The game incorporates a great number of positive features and details

that persuade this reviewer to look upon it warmly; but doesn't exactly sway

any opinions like it apparently has with magazine and online editors.

The explanation:

1080 Snowboarding's graphics are nice to look at, and they move at a smooth

framerate. They render the six racing courses in a way that has to be

considered quite neatly and accurately. Textures are clear and crisp -- a nice

change from the blur that has been associated with some N64 titles. This

brings up the next topic relative to graphics and visuals -- the snow. It is

realistic, and is malleable. Whenever a snowboarder jumps down and touches the

snow, the board presses down on it, leaving marks on the snow. Put simply, the

snow moves and reacts like the real thing. This helps contribute to the game's

realism and adds to the overall impression it leaves on gameplayers.

A glitch (a small one), however, is present in the game -- shadows aren't

always represented accurately, and they break up now and then (when in replay

mode -- which is something that will be addressed in a moment). This isn't

important and doesn't interfere with the game experience.

Gameplay is right on the spot; reaction times being quick and swift with the

snowboarders and how they control. All that can be said is that 1080 houses

some of the best gameplay found in a game, and although some of the tricks in

1080 require a bit more concentration, the gameplay is still accurate and will

be appreciated by gameplayers.

Nintendo has also included some nice things -- an air/jumping course and a

halfpipe course. This is practical in training to perform tricks and stunts

that take time to perfect.

So what's the problem? 1080 will not appeal to everyone. Not everyone is

advised to buy this game, and only people who are keen on snowboarding will

most certainly keep this game as a long-term purchase. After a while,

gameplayers might tire of the title and decide to look elsewhere for a better

long-term purchase in a game.

1080 Snowboarding: It may seem great at first, but after a while, it might not

be so great anymore. Renting it a few times might fill up gameplayers'

appetites, but purchasing it isn't that great of an idea (unless you have a

great interest in snowboarding

METAL GEAR SOLID

There is a lot to be said by this hit new game for Playstation. First off,

I would like to start by saying that after playing the North

American version twice, I can say that I'm completely satisfied

with the game. It took me about 12 hours to finish the game.

I personally think that this is one of the best games for the Playstation,

and I believe that it will take the crown from Resident Evil 2. One of

the main reasons that I was so attracted to this game is the depth.

Through the game, you are double crossed, lied to, and imprisoned,

and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Also the detail which was taken into

consideration on it is amazing.

A detail which I heard a lot of whining about is the walking under water

part. All I have to say is it’s not that important because you're only

underwater for a very little part of the game. What I don’t understand is

why Konami would build new animations just for that.

Some people were wondering about the English translation, but

Konami really succeeded on this one, unlike some others. In final

I'll say if you like action adventure games, you should go out and

buy this game, it's great and should keep you occupied for a long time.

CODES OF THE ISSUE:

Locations of all of the Pieces of Heart for "The Legend of Zelda 64; The Ocarina of Time"

*=can only get as young link

**=can only get as adult link

1. Lon Lon Ranch *: In the shed at Lon Lon Ranch, move the crate there to reveal a secret hole in the wall. In it is a Piece of Heart.

2. Dodongo's Cavern: When you're Young Link, plant a Magic Bean at the mouth of the cave. Come back when you're Adult Link and a stalk has grown there. Climb the stalk to find the Heart Piece.

3. Hyrule Field: Near the path leading to Lake Hylia, there's a section of grass that's fenced in on all sides. Throw a bomb into the center of that area to uncover a secret grotto containing a Piece of Heart.

4. Lon Lon Ranch: At the north end of the ranch, there's something odd about a tree there. Detonate a bomb at the base of the tree to reveal a secret grotto with a Piece of Heart.

5. Kakariko Village: When you're Young Link, go to Death Mountain and get a ride from the owl. He'll drop you on a roof in Kakariko Village. Drop down to the awning below and go in the house to find the Piece of Heart!

6. Kakariko Village: Use your Longshot to get atop one of the houses in town. The man that's there will give you a Piece of Heart.

7. Kakariko Graveyard *: During the night, when you and Dampe are wandering the graveyard, you'll find the Heart Piece while he digs.

8. Kakariko Windmill **: After you race Dampe's Spirit through the cavern, play the Song of Time for him. Then, a blue stone will disappear on one side of the cave, opening a path to the windmill. Follow the path and once you get inside the windmill, you'll find the Piece of Heart.

9. Kakariko Graveyard **: After you win the race against Dampe's Spirit in less than 1 minute, he'll give you a Piece of Heart.

10. House of Skulltula: After you collect 50 golden tokens, come back to the House of Skulltula and get a Piece of Heart from the now freed child.

11. Kakariko Graveyard **: While you're Young Link, plant a Magic Bean in the corner of the graveyard. Come back when you're Adult Link to climb the stalk and claim a Piece of Heart.

12. Kakariko Graveyard: When you're walking around the graveyard, you'll see something odd about one of the stones. Pull the stone and go into the secret passage. Then, play the Sun's Song to get the Heart Piece.

13. Zora's River *: As you go up Zora's River, you'll see a group of frogs. Play the Song of Storms for them and you'll get a Heart Piece.

14. Zora's River *: Keep on playing all the songs you know for the frogs and they'll give you another Piece of Heart before you go.

15. Zora's River: Take a cucco from the riverbank and use him to fly up to a plateau. There, take another cucco to reach the Piece of Heart.

16. Zora's River: At the entrance to Zora's Domain, you'll see the Piece of Heart on a ledge far from your reach. To get it, go back to the place where you found the cucco along the riverbank and take him back to that spot. Jump off the path and you'll be able to get the Heart Piece!

17. Market *: Win the game and get to the final room to get the Piece of Heart.

18. Market *: When you play and win the Bombchu Bowling game, you'll get random prizes. If you keep winning, eventually you'll get the Piece of Heart as a prize.

19. Market *: When you talk with the people in town, you'll come across this woman whose dog ran away. Help her get it back by waiting until nightfall. Then, look near the Bazaar to find it and give it back to the woman for a Piece of Heart.

20. Lost Woods *: Go through the Woods until you reach the mysterious Skull Kid. When he urges you to, take out the Ocarina and play Saria's Song. After hearing the song, he'll give you the Heart Piece.

21. Lost Woods *: Go even deeper into the Lost Woods and you'll reach two Skull Kids. When they ask you to join them as they sang, play the Ocarina and follow along the song. Then, they'll give you the Piece of Heart.

22. Zora's Domain *: When you reach the waterfall, there's a hidden chamber behind it. So, light up a Deku Stick and go behind the waterfall where you'll find several more torches. Light them all and a chest containing the Piece of Heart will appear.

23. Zora's Fountain **: When you go to Zora's Fountain as Adult Link, it will all be frozen like ice. Find the ice block with the Heart Piece inside and pry it loose from the ice to claim it!

24. Ice Cavern **: As you go through the Ice Cavern, you'll come across a red ice block with a Piece of Heart inside. Get a bottle full of blue flame and put it over the red ice to get the Piece.

25. Zora's Fountain **: When you get the Zora Tunic and the Iron Boots, submerge yourself under the lake in Zora's Fountain. There, you'll find the Piece of Heart.

26. Death Mountain Crater: Enter the Crater with the Goron Tunic on and as Adult Link, then explore the crater walls to find the Piece of Heart.

27. Death Mountain Crater **: Inside the Crater, climb up the stalk that grew from the Magic Bean. Then, go up the towering spire to reach the Heart Piece.

28. Goron City *: Light all the torches on the lower level of the city to make the giant urn spin. Run up to the upper level and throw a Bomb into the urn's open top to get a prize. Hopefully, it'll be the Piece of Heart!

29. Lake Hylia *: Go to the Fishing Pond and catch the biggest fish in the pond to get the Heart Piece.

30. Lake Hylia: After you get the Golden Scale, dive into the well in the lab next to Lake Hylia. There, you'll find the Piece of Heart.

31. Lake Hylia **: When you're Young Link, plant the Magic Bean in the spot near the lab by Lake Hylia. Come back when you're Adult Link and climb the stalk to reach the top of the lab. Up there waiting for you is a Piece of Heart!

32. Gerudo Fortress: On you way to Gerudo Fortress, you'll see a waterfall. Take a cucco and jump through the waterfall into a secret chamber. There, you'll find the Heart Piece.

33. Gerudo Fortress: On the opposite side of the waterfall, you'll see a narrow canyon. Take a cucco and jump off the bridge and land on the ledge far below to get the Piece of Heart.

34. Gerudo Fortress **: While you're exploring the inside of the Fortress, look up and use the Hookshot on the exposed roof chest. You'll reach the Piece of Heart there, too!

35. Gerudo Fortress **: While you're riding Epona, your horse through Gerudo Fortress, you have to shoot at targets. If you score over 1,000 points, you'll win the Piece of Heart.

36. Spirit Temple **: When you are Young Link, plant a Magic Bean near the Temple's entrance. Then, come back later as Adult Link when the stalk has grown. Climb up it to find the Piece of Heart.

Reese Williams

This issue for the 1 year anniversary of The Paper, we have prepared a long list of reviews. This is only the first part, however, so keep your pants on. Also in VIDEO GAMES, this issue we have the biggest CODES OF THE WEEK section we have ever had. If you have any requests for Reviews, Previews, or Codes for any game of Nintendo, Nintendo64, Super Nintendo, Sony Playstation, Game Boy, Game Gear, or Computer, please inform Reese Williams, and The newspaper staff will do it’s best to make them appear in the next article. Thank you.

The Star Wars universe springs to life in Rogue Squadron, thanks to the extreme attention to detail delivered by the Lucas Arts team. Each of the 16 missions is based on an historic Rogue Squadron event, with authentic Star Wars characters and virtually every enemy vehicle the Empire has ever created. Missions range from the stressful task of protecting Alliance supply caravans to the monumental effort of

defending a city from the furious attack of Imperial World Devastators.

With an amazing amount of voice samples and interactive music tracks, the audio in

Rogue Squadron completes the visual package and thrusts you into the middle of

the action. After each mission is completed, Rogue pilots are awarded different medals

based on performance. If you’re good enough, you can earn enough gold medals to unlock secret missions and ships.

Stars Wars fans will be impressed by the authenticity of Rogue Squadron’s story line

and planet geography, but everyone will quickly become addicted to the tight play

control and thrilling experience of piloting an X-wing. The Rogue Squadron missions have

never appeared in a motion picture, but now you have the chance to experience this

period of Star Wars history first hand. Strap on your helmet and lock in your Rumble Pak. The Empire is still strong, and the Rebel Alliance needs your help. I think this is a good high-flying adventure game, and I rate it an 8.5.

Many years have passed since bold Lord Jair banished the loathsome Warlock Lord to another dimension. Now, however, a string of mysterious events foreshadows a sinister bid by unseen forces to resurrect the evil lord. You control the half-human Del, who at game's beginning is captured by thieves and thrown into a dungeon. After a furtive conversation with the magician Agaar, Del must escape and set about unraveling the web of intrigue and deception searching the ruins of Castle Shadowgate.

Like its fondly remembered predecessor, Shadowgate for the NES, Shadowgate 64: The Trials of the Four Towers tilts heavily toward puzzle-solving. You spend much of your time finding your way through the baffling labyrinth of Castle Shadowgate without drowning in sewers, plunging through false floors or being recaptured by your evil nemesis, the dungeon keeper. You must search numerous books for clues and figure out what to do with dozens of bizarre items such as the Dragon Tears. Instead of battling enemies, you use your charms to extract information and goodies from the souls populating the seemingly deserted castle. These include Rastolin, a sorcerer; elfin guards who bar your efforts to exit the castle; and even a wall decorated with a sphinx-like sculpture that, like the sphinx itself, poses baffling riddles. Here is one of them:

"The action takes place

through the breadth and

width of the castle, from

the fetid catacombs

below the dungeon, to

elegant throne rooms

above, to the

abandoned cemetery

and the network of pits

surrounding the keep".

Overall, this is a good mind game that takes a lot of thought to beat. To master this game it takes not only skill, but a lot of intelligence. I rate this game a 8.3

The extremely simple idea is to punch, kick and eat your way through each of Rampage 2's 100 cities before the citizens can be evacuated. Given that each burg has about as many buildings as a Wyoming truck stop and that the local officers seem to be armed with nothing more powerful than pea shooters, you'll be finished with most levels very quickly

Tempting as it may be to simply climb on top of every building and stomp it to the ground, by doing so you'll miss out on the goodies hidden inside. An hourglass gives you extra time, pork chops and other foods give you energy, a boxing glove puts extra power in your punches, and TVs, couches and stereos give you extra points. But watch out for bottles of poison and other anti-appetizers.

To clear the palate, after every five levels you get a timed bonus round. My favorite, People Splat, challenges you to kick or stomp as many people as possible. If racking up all those miles gets a little lonely, team up with a pal or two in the rampage a trois multiplayer mode. While you're working together to level the land, remember that the monster with the most points wins. If you see a tasty morsel, don't hesitate to knock one of your fellow ogres out of the way.

Rampage 2 looks good, with nicely shaded creatures and colorful explosions, but there's no hiding its 2-D roots. Although the designers tried valiantly to lend a little local flavor to each city -- London has a tower that looks like Big Ben, some Asian buildings have pagoda-style roofs -- the levels look much the same. And you can't destroy famous landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower. What fun is that? I think this a good multiplayer game, and a decent game to rent, but unless you live in a household with lots of people to occupy all the multiplayer slots, I don’t suggest you buy this game. I rate it a 5.4

This new game boasts more than 100 different batting stances. With the help of scouting reports from New York Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, Iguana Programming is giving each big leaguer a custom hot/cold strike zone and an on-screen matchup history for each pitcher he faces. Given the awkward swings of ASB 99, we fervently hope that Iguana comes through with its promise to give each slugger his unique home run swing. All 30 big league teams, 30 stadiums and more than 700 authentic players are here. ASB 2000 will feature four game modes. They are: Exhibition, Season, Playoff, and Home Run Derby, You'll be able to play the official 1999 MLB schedule or a 162-game season without interleague play.

Smartened-up AI means players will follow real-life tendencies for streaks, slumps and errors. Players will perform differently at home or away, at night or in the day, and on grass or artificial turf. ASB 99's general-manager features are back, including player create, multiplayer trades, free agents and calling up minor leaguers. You can track season-long statistics in more than 300 categories. New York Yankee radio announcers Michael Kay and John Sterling will make 1,500 play-by-play and color calls. To heighten that you-are-there feeling, Iguana has also captured actual ballpark sounds Overall, this is one of the best baseball games I have ever played. I give it a 9.0. For baseball game lovers, this is definitely a must-buy.

John Connors

So the tree is down, the presents are unwrapped, and the Christmas season is over. But what did you get? In response to this question, I compiled a list of categories that the gifts received fall under.

64% Electronics

28% Video Games – Xenogears (Chris); Final Fantasy 7 (Mike); The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Barrett, Richie, and Ryan); Andretti Racing (Barrett); Steering wheel and pedals for video games (Barrett and Casey); Quarterback Club ’99 (Rob); Computer games (Kevin); Blitz and Resident Evil II (Paul); WCW vs. NWO Revenge (Reese).

8% Actual systems or consoles – Playstation (Paul); N64 (Richie, Matt); Computer (Kevin).

10% Music Systems – Sony CD Boombox (Rob, Andy, Eric); Koss CD Boombox (Ryan); Panasonic portable tape player (Drew).

4% A/V – VCR (Eric); DVD/DIVX player (Andy).

8% CDs – Weird Al in 3D (Mike); Hello Nasty (Richie); Stunt (Andy); Everclear (Drew).

8% Miscellaneous – Electric Guitar (Reese); Acoustic Guitar (Matt); Minolta X700 camera with telephoto lens (John); America Online (Kevin).

--% Clothing (There was a lot!)

8% Sports – Ping-pong table (Sean); Top Flite Tour titanium golf clubs and Ogio golf bag (John); Easton baseball bat (Sean); Doug Flutie hat and jersey (Casey).

8% Miscellaneous – Dilbert’s "The Joys of Work" (Mike); Carta leather scrapbok (John); Marvin the Martian watch (Rob); Mongoose bike (Paul).

Percentages based on number of gifts, 50.

A story acquired by Matt Rusteika and edited by Andrew Yaksic.

Caution – only read if fake cruelty to animals doesn’t offend you.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a few thousand dollars. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves. I laughed. They punched me. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn’t adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive – they all died. No apparent reason, they all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Stupid cheap monkeys.

I didn’t know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room – on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn’t work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.

I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, until they began to decompose. It started to smell really bad.

I had to go to the bathroom but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn’t want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them ever 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn’t go bad.

I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet; two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer; and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn’t improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away, but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn’t take it either. I didn’t bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn’t quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them.

I like monkeys.

Drew Vanderburg, Andrew Yaksic, Kevin Dacey, Mike DeFillippi

This is a really long, really complicated list that the above people compiled. It started out serious, but then turned hilarious. It is a list of all of the organizations and orders of friars that Saint Thomas Aquinas could have joined after his time in prison. Enjoy! (If you don’t know what one of these abbreviations stands for, ask Drew, Kevin, or Andy.)

’N Sync

2002 Olympics Committee

AA

AAA

ADA

AFC

Air Force

Army

Augustininans

Aunt Jemima

Banjo and Kazooie

Barbie Fan Club

Baywatch

Benedictines

BLT

Carmelites

CIA

Cistercians

Clares

Commando Elite

CREP

Cub Scouts

Dominicans

Egyptians

ESPN

Evil Minions

FBI

Food Division CREP

Franciscans

GI Aquinas

GI Jane

GI Jane

GI Joe

GM

GMC

GNC

Gorgonites

Granollians

Hell’s Angels

IBM

IHOP

IRS

Janus

L’il Rascals

LAPD

Latter-day Saints

LPGA Tour

MBTA

MI6

MIB

MLB

MWRA
AOL

NADS

NATO

Navy

NBA
The Hardy Boys

NFL

NHL

NRA

NYPD

NYSE

PGA Tour

PhD

Publishers Clearing House

Stalactites

Stalagmites

Teamsters

The American Guild of Organists

The Babysitters Club

The Backstreet Boys

The BACS Parents Guild

The Blues Brother

The Boston Boys Choir

The Boxcar Children

The Boys and Girls Club of Boston

The Burger King Kids Club

The Cast of "Family Matters"

The Civil War Reenactment Society

The Dead Poets Society

The Guatemalan Mafia

The Hail-Bopp Cult

The Jedi Knights

The Kia Car Dealership

The Mario Brothers

The Microsoft Development Team

The NYDA’s Office

The OJ Simpson Jury

The Power Rangers

The Pro-Life Coalition

The Rugrats

The St. Paul Food Pantry

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The White House Staff

USSR

VBBO (Very Bad Body Odor)

Village People

World War 2

WWF

X-Files

X-Men

Yanni

And now, a whole THREE PAGES of comics by the funniest, Drew Vanderburg! Mike DeFillippi and Mike Carr also helped.

Sick of those Magic Cards from last year that you can’t get rid of? Well, I’ll take them!

I’ll buy, sell, and trade Magic: The Gathering cards. Get rid of individual cards or drop your
whole collection! If you actually still play, name your price for a card of mine you’d like, or trade for it.

Not a problem. Talk to me in person or by e-mail ([email protected]). All dealings will
take place before or after school only.